In a previous post I shared an email I received and asked if you thought there were anything wrong with it.
Here's my answer: Plenty.
Here's the email again:
My names is [Joe Salesperson] and I am contacting you on behalf of [Company]. We are a lead validation and management provider. As an affiliate network, you know the importance of lead quality and understand how vital it is to the success of your business. We are currently offering two validation platforms at highly competitive prices and very flexible contracts. [Company] might be able to add value to your already existing business. Our platforms can be easily white labeled and we offer dedicated account support and easy campaign setup. If this is something that interested you I would love the opportunity to further discuss what we can offer you. Any consideration is greatly appreciated. Thanks, [Joe Salesperson]
Here's what I believe is wrong with it and what I'd do to make it more effective:
1. My names is [Joe Salesperson] and I am contacting you on behalf of [Company]. We are a lead validation and management provider. Interesting, but honestly, who cares? The author shouldn't be contacting me on behalf of someone, they should be contacting me because of something -- something I care about, value, and potentially desire as a benefit.
They should have opened this message by telling me they are contacting me about a benefit they offer.
2. As an affiliate network, you know the importance of lead quality and understand how vital it is to the success of your business. I'm not an affiliate network, nor am I part of one -- the message is addressed to an audience I'm not part of. That said, assuming I were involved in some way with an affiliate network, what they should state is the benefit of lead quality, the value to me, and the consequences of poor quality leads.
State the obvoius to make sure it's understood and interpreted the way it best supports your eventually discussed product or service.
3. We are currently offering two validation platforms at highly competitive prices and very flexible contracts. [Company] might be able to add value to your already existing business. I assume they mean lead validation platforms. Regardless, they've offered me no reason to care if they offer one, two or twenty platforms.
They claim they might be able to add value to my existing business, but haven't told me what benefit they're selling. I assume the benefit is quality leads, but they haven't explicitly stated that and they haven't defined quality.
So, I'm now over half way through the message and I don't have any idea what they're offering me or why I should care.
4. Our platforms can be easily white labeled and we offer dedicated account support and easy campaign setup. I can take a guess why this is a benefit to me, but truly have no idea.
Is there a value in here worth investing in? Is this a unique offer when compared to others in their market? How do any of these things help me and my business? What do these things do for me?
5. If this is something that interested you I would love the opportunity to further discuss what we can offer you. Any consideration is greatly appreciated. Their call to action is to contact them if I want to discuss this message further. That's weak. They haven't offered my anything. And the author hasn't once told me how I benefit from working with this company.
The last sentence sounds desperate. It would be surprised shocked if this message earned even one response.
Looking for benefits, difference, and reason to believe...I can't find it.
This is typical of an email most of us would consider SPAM -- unsolicited and unqualified. In realty, what makes it SPAM isn't the fact it's unsolicited or unqualified. What makes it SPAM is it's irrelevant.
Ultimately, it's a horrible attempt to generate leads for what otherwise may be a fantastic offering with real value and benefits many may enjoy. But we'll never know.
What say you?
Do you agree with my assessment or am I completely wrong? Why?
